Meditation in Yogic and Tantric Traditions

Almost spring break, yet the days are still full. Today I woke up early to do faerie hair at a Daybreaker event from 6-9 am before meditating in the karma room at noon followed by three classes until 6 pm. Stopped to eat empañadas before the drive back to Denver listening to Michelle Obama in the book Becoming.  When I am blessing people before the faerie hair, I was present. Even with a line of 15 people waiting for my service, I can form a connection between me and the person receiving. This is a concentrated meditation for me. When I am in class, I am present and focused on whoever is talking. When I am eating, I am eating and I made sure to do that even though I was alone and could have easily spent the time on my phone. Everyday concentration in the busy life of the day.  The future planning is creeping in, however, as I figure out how to manage the 18 credit end of class projects and a business plan. Yet, as always, with right effort and right concentration, they ...

We are reading the Uttaratantra in third turning right now about Buddha-Nature. This text seems very similar in the underlying message. One of the main examples about defilements in regard to this primordial universal energy is that of a window. It is pure glass. When it has dirt, it is called dirty and when the dirt is wiped off, it is called clean, yet those are both missing the point of what the window is, which is neither clean nor dirty. Beyond this simple example, there is no goal of the path, yet the path allows defilements to be let go of to reveal such a nature. There is a bringing nirvana into samsāra and feeling connected to all that is and inherently is not.

I have been practicing the candlelight practice for Śamatha of Mahamudra as well as in the Patanjali mind-training sequence. It has been helpful, yet I have noticed more thoughts arise with this practice than other practices without it. It could be that the lack of continuity is more obvious. It seems like getting into a trance with the candle is missing the point, yet using it to reach a state of pure concentration seems difficult using this object of meditation. It is not like I am over-exerting necessarily but just noticed how my mind was able to work with this practice. This could be a representation of relaxation in exertion - my goal.

I feel like I have been more in the fire this last year to really work consciously with the teachings. I am grateful for all the opportunities to keep coming back to the path. One of my mottos has been that I am not given anything that I cannot handle at the moment and, the fact that I am given much substance, is a gift. I feel like I have really begun seeing more light and fruits of a lot of these hard fiery times, and this keeps me committed to staying disciplined in the path of returning to the path.

I went to the Q & A about practice with Venerable Pannavati. One thing that struck out to me was that she does not always like the word practice. Sometimes, she is playing in the real game. At her lecture, she spoke of how practice is bringing the meditation off the cushion in those times that the ego wants to cling to old habits. Yet, when those situations are not arising at the moment, one can really enjoy the deep contentment of actually playing in the big leagues of enlightenment. She said you are not lost if the dharma finds you and the only other things better than seeing nothing, is seeing something because that is the next thing to practice in the present moment. My goal of being in the present is about this. I can be attentive to whatever is in front of me at any given time and that is where the focus can be with a mind of practice and discipline to stay here.

I am listening to Michelle Obama's book Becoming.  She calls the book becoming for the same reason that the path is considered the goal in Hindu Tantra. She has already become so many roles, yet she does not understand the finite question of 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' As I am becoming more conscious of the path and the integrated way to work with the present moment with openness and curiosity of energy in motion, there are less finite goals that must be completed for me to be anything. I am walking in a direction and tasks are inevitably attended to and completed. I am practicing in the Karma room for a 2-week intensive starting today. How can I transform and transmute the jealous god realm's need to move quickly, dualistically, and in a way that is in comparison to other's completion and attainment of goals? For 30 days, I have chosen to give up alcohol. It is not that I drink a lot, but when I did at the wedding, I was quicker to let down my ...

I was noticing how I was ruminating on old thought patterns. I was having thoughts of desire and anger and wondering what if? I was reading Dākinī's Warm Breath and readings for this class and writing down quotes about desire and how this is vital energy and the constant want for what we don't have is suffering that repeats. I wrote down quotes in my journal on practice day. I was feeling these thoughts and feelings escalate on the new moon. I did a cleansing ceremony that was able to thank all these feelings and heighten them and then work in chanting and bathing to let them go. I want to redirect this energy into my own chakral energy bodies to utilize in beneficial ways. I watched the documentary e-motion, which was relevant to this process and then got shiatsu bodywork to clear out stagnancy in my muscles. I appreciate having multiple modalities to work with these energies, which have been distracting and causing suffering for myself and my partner. Thank you, Goddess, ...

I have returned to my daily practice as of February 28th and it is a process to begin to declutter my brain again. I have also begun a daily journaling practice again. On practice day, Judith led a śamatha of mahamudra practice for our vajrayāna class. The mantra that we kept returning to was "The past is gone, the future has not yet come, rest in the present moment" or "the present moment cannot be found." This was in line with my semester goal of not overlaying the past on the present or the future. I have been returning to this mantra in my personal practice and I have found in extremely helpful in smoothing out any twitterpation of anxiety that I have been feeling. Judith also brought in techniques that are meant to aid us in not over-exerting in our practice. Keep the posture upright and keep the gaze steady. Other than that, thoughts are clouds in the sky and let them pass. The simplicity and the short sessions allow the freshness to stay with the practi...

After reading the section on vikalpas, I began to work on my own: - I need external validation, fame, and recognition to confirm I am wholly in line with my divine purpose. *If I am truly on my spiritual path, I will not need to rely on external validation because my ego will not need to be recognized as correct. - I need constant stimulation, passion, and drama to verify my success and effectiveness. *When I can slow down and take in reality as it is and be content, this will be a clear sign of 'effectiveness.' - I use intellect, certifications, money, and my role in society to hold my identity in place. *The moment that all these identities fall away is the moment I can be in touch with my true identity. - I use my partners to confirm my likeability. * I am enough as a manifestation of the universe. This relates to my goal of not overlaying the past onto the present. I can get stuck in old stories that spin me out from my present reality.

Yesterday, I began again with sitting for 20 minutes. I feel like I have been integrating my classes like third turning, meditation in Maitri, meditation in Hindu and Tantric traditions, and vajrayāna. I begin my sitting with my posture and getting into a comfortable settled position that can allow me to breathe steadily and calm my fidgets. I work with my breath and lengthen my inhales and my exhales, even holding for a brief pause at the end of the inhales and exhales. I may even go through a couple rounds of the somatic practice of pure awareness - starting with belly breathing and moving down through the earth and up through my central channel. This helps me to become embodied and get out of my thinking mind. I began chanting with Aum mani padme hūm. I have been feeling this mantra and have listened to the story of Kuan Yin recently. When I looked up more about the meaning, I saw that each syllable works with one of the six pāramitās and can purify kleshas. I will conti...